Misinterpreted Sexual Tension

Of all the terrible things that a gay person suffers, such as discrimination, bullying and archaic stereotypes, I have decided that misinterpreted sexual tension is the worst. When a gay person goes to school, they are entering a majority straight environment and are the decided minority. Potential partners are few, and over the long years, a subconscious desperation settles in.

Eventually, your brain tricks you into thinking that every guy is coming onto you. Take the situation in which someone you know vaguely from class smiles at you in the corridor. The rational part of you thinks “what a lovely gesture of recognition, that certainly suggests no ulterior motives or interest”. The irrational, horny and overall more powerful part of you screams “MY GOD HE SMILED AT ME HE WANTS ME HE IS PRACTICALLY A BITCH ON HEAT GET ON THAT”. And so commences a brief and unsatisfying fixation that ultimately does nothing but waste of time.

You see, they will always be straight. Gay teenagers seem to depend on a complex system of extremely vague comments to indicate interest, followed by months of delibration, and culminating in an orgy of emotional Facebook messages. If we could communicate via pheromones, my life would be so much easier.  Gay teenagers do not SMILE at their crushes, a SMILE is going too far, it is simply too much. A confession of your feelings must be done in desperation GOD FORBID A SMILE.

I simply cannot express how easy you breeders (I think this is offensive, I’ll try not to use it again) have it.

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